That wasn't flying, that was falling with style!

             When it comes to failing, I’m a success. I have failed so many different things in so many different ways that at this point it’s basically a hobby. I eat a bowl of failure for breakfast with a tall glass of defeat, which is usually followed by a tums. Failure, despite how most people treat it, is an absolutely wonderful thing. There is a famous quote which has been credited to Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, which states: “I have not failed. I’ve just found ten thousand ways that won’t work”. I cannot express enough how beautiful and important of a statement this is when it comes to depression.

                A lot of the time our depression is usually related to our self-measurement of success. Perhaps you got a bad grade this week, failed a sales goal, or even have trouble in your relationships. This tends to push our measurement of happiness around, but the true reality is that without failure, we would not have success! Don’t take you falling flat on your face as a bad thing, but rather look at the beauty within it. You learn so much from great mistakes and can evolve into a better person. The phrase “roll with the punches” is no joke. Life will definitely throw some curve balls your way, but if you can be malleable and adapt to the challenges, not only will you work as a more effective person, but you will end up happier as well. Go out and fail and do it with a smile, because failure, which tends to point towards our anxiety, should point towards our joyous enlightenment and learning. 

Carl J. Bromley

Good friends, good times

              Being lonely sucks. I haven’t had the best streak when it comes to relationships. In many cases, this is the cause of a lot of people’s depression. Even though I’m an introvert and usually enjoy being by myself, even I can feel a little empty on the inside when there’s no one to share special moments with. On New Year’s Eve of 2014 I sat alone while friends were gone visiting family or at work. My original plans fell through thanks to the icy roads, so I was doomed to a quiet living room with some TV. I must have received dozens of Snapchats of people doing awesome things in big cities or having some kind of crazy party. On top of that I wasn’t really feeling all too well. I had a terrible, terrible day at work. I mean have a holiday filled with alcohol and you’re going to have a lot of people who want a lot of pizza. It’s simple math. All I could focus on was how alone I felt and then something changed that.

                I heard a knock on my door, to which I, even though feeling so alone, was unhappy to hear. I opened the door and two of my friends Sean and Garrett (best friends a guy could have). I had told these two that I was feeling a tad bit sick and they brought me over a 20 oz 7-up. I felt stupid for feeling lonely. I have friends who genuinely love me and are awesome at showing that love. We continued to talk about what we wanted to see this next year. Real cliché, I know. It was a nice evening and I eventually kicked them out due to wanting to get some rest. The point that I’m trying to get at is just because I didn’t have a midnight kiss, doesn’t mean I was alone. In fact, I have some of the best friends a person could have. When depression hits, it brings on serious, dangerous tunnel vision. I was so blinded by feeling lonely that I couldn’t see the real truth of the situation. All I could focus on was the little cloud in the sky that was blocking out about 5% of the sunlight. That’s really dumb of me.

                Now, I can honestly say that I am very blessed by the people around me. I’m blessed by the professors of my college, by the people I work with, and by the friends that I consider family. Perhaps this is not the same scenario for you. You may feel utterly alone because you are, which means that me telling you to focus on the ones who bring joy into your life isn’t possible. Perhaps you feel unloved or unwanted by the people around you. I have definitely felt that way before. I want you to know this simple fact and hold on to it for me: I love you. Sure, I don’t know you, but that’s just how I was raised and what I believe. If you ever need anyone to talk to I’m here! I can’t promise to be able to talk every second of the day, but I can promise to help you as best as I can. Remember the truth: You are not alone, even if you just have one person that cares and I care.

There is no "I" in "Team", but there is an "I" in "Pie".

One of the major dangers of depression is feeling alone; that no one around you understands or could possibly understand what you are going through. This thought, this feeling, is nothing more than another trap which can pull you further into the darkness. I will be honest, there are a lot of people who don’t know what depression is like or how to deal with it. However, there are plenty of good people who do. These people have been through the same pain you’re going through and may even know how to cope in healthy ways. For instance, I started this blog with the intentions of helping those who are trudging through their lives feeling worthless and hopeless, because I have felt that way before. I also started this blog in hopes that people who have never struggled with depression themselves can read this and learn how to empathize with us who do wrestle with getting out of bed on any given day.

                That said, there is one obvious facts about battling depression: there are no lone wolves. This fits a lot of aspects of life, but it is doubly so with depression. Do not be so stubborn or hard headed that you think you can handle this on your own, because there are people who love you who want to help. Furthermore, don’t be so hard on yourself that you believe you are “burdening” those around you. I have had countless people say that they feel as a weight or burden on me for just talking with me about their issues or pains and that is just a lie. I take a lot of joy in trying to help others. My business is people. My hobby is helping. Don’t tell me how your problems are such a heavy weight on my back when I’m overjoyed you’re talking to someone.

                Don’t get me wrong, talking to someone and getting it all out is not easy. Firstly, you need to find someone you absolutely trust and I don’t mean your BFF. You should look to someone older than yourself, perhaps a professional or a prominent leader within the church. Let me be absolutely clear about one thing: this needs to be a trust worthy individual. There are PLENTY of snakes in the grass who would love for you to open up your most intimate of insecurities to them only to bite you. Beware. Secondly, you need to be able to open up fully and discuss things that you struggle with, but don’t be afraid. Most likely the problems or feelings you’re having are something that someone has had at one point in time and knows how to fight it a little bit better. The only way to get healthy is to fight the cause of the illness and getting help is the first step. Take that brave first step and let’s get well together.

Carl J.

Get Angry. Grrr!

It turns out that a lot of negative emotions can easily trigger depression. Surprised? Well, you shouldn't be. Today my anger kind of took a bad hold over me. When a person gets too angry they can tend to throw metaphorical or even literal fists to try to work out the rage, but when someone who struggles with chronic depression feels angry, they tend to throw the punches at themselves. It’s very, very easy to get caught up in a cycle of self-judgment and even self-loathing. Why does this tend to happen? We live in a world where everyone judges everyone; whether it’s based on race, gender, sexual preference, intelligence, strength, and/or physical appearance. It just kind of fits our society to be the biggest judges of ourselves, but this can and will lead to a dangerous train of thought. It becomes dangerous because you, just like me or everyone else, is far from perfect.

Unfortunately, it can easily be seen that most people who struggle with depression tend to look inward when searching to find something or someone to blame for the issues in their lives. I have countless times blamed myself for something that I had absolutely no control over whatsoever. I recall a time that I blamed the cloudy weather on my own existence. How stupid is that? People can easily laugh at the absurdity of that thought, but at the time I believed it fully within my heart. That is a heavy, unbearable weight to carry on your own. This is something I have struggled with (more specifically used to battle with) that has taken a while to overcome. Your mind, emotions, and life don’t have a switch; you’re not going to just flip things around with the flick of the wrist. It takes a lot of time, discipline, and fighting.

It’s so easy to forget that the depression itself is the enemy to be fighting. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that anger is a natural emotion that is necessary to the human soul, but if it is let loose off of its leash, it will wreak havoc. Instead, we can guide our anger to do good things. One can use anger as motivation: get out and go run, lift weights, write a story or poetry, turn on some music and sing your heart out. I've met way too many people who let their emotions control them when it should be the other way around. Our emotions are direct reactions to the things outside of us that we cannot control. However, when we take a sad thought, such as judgments over one’s physique or why someone left our lives, and replay the thought over and over again, we are letting the emotion do way more than it should. We cannot allow the emotions to run our lives, but rather be a healthy outlet. So, get out there and use your negative emotions to conquer the day!

Carl J. Bromley 

Find your Worth

Carl J. Bromley
January 14, 2015

We live in a society where everything that you do is judged or measured. We can easily see this in younger years, like high school, which most of the time grows in with our adult years. It can be seen absolutely everywhere; magazines, TV, movies, friends, and even family can produce this message: You’re not good enough. That is a terrible, empty message and what’s truly sad is there are many, many people who take it to heart. Anyone can see the flawless model on a magazine with her tan skin or his chiseled abs and begin to compare it to themselves. This message can be seen in schools through grades. Now I understand that grades are an important thing to the school system, but it’s a little silly when I've known people who have said to me “if I don’t get an A in every class I am a worthless failure”. A worthless failure? I don’t tell people that say those things what my grades usually are, because then I will just look like a failure to them. I cannot express enough how stupid I think it is to measure your self-worth to grades or most things for that matter.

Trust me, I've struggled with this problem and still do. I am almost twenty-three, I’m single, I’m basically broke, I’m still working on my undergraduate, I’m definitely not in peak physical shape or look anything like a model on a magazine, my grade point average is less than impressive, I have no single talents that just blow people away, and I work at Pizza Hut. By the world’s standards (and by a lot of people I've met) I am a total and utter failure. I've had people that I genuinely cared about tell me I’m weak or that I’m pathetic and that can just be one of the most hurtful blows a person can take. It’s a good thing I don’t measure my self-worth by their standards or my depression could have led to serious self-harm. I find my self-worth in Christ and by those who love me. My Mommy thinks I’m special and dang it that’s enough for me. That’s what worries me for others. I've met too many people who believe they are absolutely worthless and it breaks my heart.

I genuinely don’t think anyone is worthless. Perhaps you don’t feel beautiful, because you don’t sum up to a model. I think you’re beautiful. There’s too many sweet, innocent girls throwing up their lunch or not eating at all to fit into a mold of a woman. There’s too many young, naive boys getting into pointless fights or dangerous gangs to fit into the mold of a man. Let me say this, because it helps remind me of my own worth: There is only one you. In all the years that this earth has existed, there has only been and only will ever be one you and you fit in like a beautiful and unique puzzle piece. Without you, the picture will be incomplete and if that doesn't mean you’re worth something, then I don’t know what does. I care about you, even if you’re a stranger to me. Whether you struggle with beauty, intelligence, charm, humor, money, achievement, or whatever you can think of, I still find your existence a miraculous wonder. 

Carl J. Bromley

January 7, 2015

                One of the biggest things that has helped me with my own personal struggle actually comes from a story of something “bad” happening to me. I had been in a pretty unpleasant state and one of my professors and mentors from college was texting me about my current situation. One of the worst mistakes you can make while depressed is isolating yourself and doing nothing. My professor told me to get up out of bed and go for a walk. It was raining. I trusted his advice and went for a walk in the rain. At first, it didn’t seem to help at all, but rather I was pretty upset about being wet and cold. Eventually, I actually started to cheer up. People were giving me weird looks, but I didn’t care. It was fun to kind of go against the grain. This is something you can’t be scared to do. People are going to look at you funny all the time when you’re trying to battle against depression and trust me, it is a battle.

                Pretty much as soon as I was back to normal, coming out of being upset, a car sped by me and a wave of mud, leaves, and water splashed over the entire right side of my body. I was pretty pissed mostly because I thought they did it on purpose. I walked right over to my professor’s office and walked through the door with an exclamatory look on my face. I remember him looking up at my upset face and just saying dumbfounded “What?” I explained to him what happened all while pointing out the entire right side of my body still wet and muddy and he just laughed at me. It was funny. I, looking like an idiot already, walking in the rain in shorts and flip flops, got a mud bath. I told him it was all his fault, telling me to walk through the rain like that. Thankfully, I didn’t get sick from this experience, but I felt like I was going to die of pneumonia.

                A lot of the time when struggling with depression, it can easily be accepted that things can’t be changed and sometimes they simply can’t. I couldn’t change the weather. That, however, is not the point. I could change something in this situation and that was my outlook. No, I couldn’t stop the rain, but I could walk in it with a smile anyways. No, I couldn’t change the fact I got splashed with ice cold water, but I could laugh at it. It’s a common misconception that if it’s raining you have to stay inside; that if things are bad you have to sulk in sorrow. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand crippling situations and I am in no way trying to belittle someone’s struggle, but what I am trying to convey is that everyone should try to get up and fight through the pain. Don’t let the rain ruin your walk.